To drain the situation of all irelivent factors, and present the facts as they stand. Don’t try to be tactful or nice and don’t try to be brutal either. Usually, it means they are going to criticize me in some way and want to lessen the blow by telling me so first. Or, for that matter, a man -- a beautiful man. ‘hauntingly beautiful music’ ‘The people who are the ostensible subjects of these photographs are hauntingly absent.’ ‘Her final solo is hauntingly affecting.’ ‘The music is eerie and hauntingly atmospheric.’ ‘The mining town is well known for its ravaged, hauntingly barren countryside.’ Do you think her column would’ve been so popular (and effective) if she was trying to be Ms. Congeniality? I grew up in the 70’s in a germanic culture in Europe. Usually we can be honest in such a way that it effectively communicates the point while still allowing the other person to feel good about themselves. Regarding your initial question, I think the answer has to do with the word “Brutal.” It’s a word that implies thoughts and feelings that are not beneficial. If “brutality” is involved, it will generally result in the person avoiding you as opposed to seeking you out. And, a small percentage of the time, there might need to be brutality in that honesty.”. You always know where you stand. Thank you again for writing. My husband is always tactful, and I go back and forth between tactful and very direct. I always appreciate your kind and encouraging words. No, not at all. What does hauntingness mean? AWESOME post, Bob! Nobody is perfect. An example of honesty is telling the truth even after doing something wrong. Which means the information itself is brutal enough! Just a different twist, and you inspired me with your post. Definition of haunting in the Idioms Dictionary. You can find out more about which cookies we are using or switch them off in settings. I honestly believe all this does is make people that are sensitive and thoughtful over think what they say, while brutal people continue to not care. However, from public speaking point of view, some of the world famous speakers are known to be brutally honest from the stage. Definitely too much assault going on… And too little leadership. Sigh, in this society, we can’t even express why we are doing some openly, with honesty, without being misconstrued as intending to harm on others through, even if they are purely self serving actions. Brutally honesty to me is keeping it real, and letting the chips fall where they may. I agree we can be “Brutally Honest” although the Term I would use is Honest and it can be done with “Compassionate Passionate Communications” which is the term I use and prefer all of the time…. Riddhan– Riddhan is an Indian name meaning the gift of heart and who has a great heart. I agree that you don’t have to be brutal to be honest. I think that a huge problem is that – in our world of “reality tv” (known as politics) it now appears to many that unless you are screaming expletives at a person, that you are sugarcoating and not being authentic with them. On the other hand, my friend and Colleague, Larry Winget is – by his very nature and style – brutally honest. Brutal honesty is reality, and verbal abuse is abusive. But, several people seemed to equate tactful, diplomatic honesty with a lack of authenticity. I don’t like being brutally honest with others. What really puzzled me, was when I used “brutal honesty” in the same form she did on her and she couldn’t handle it and got offended. It’s not weak, it’s not coddling, it’s being straight, but without vague name-calling and other verbal abuse. Also receive Bob Burg's weekly, How realistic is our plan to relocate - feel free to be brutally honest! Whilst on the topic…I often interpret “Let’s be honest” as…I am inferring that my opinion is the truth, and therefore you are wrong. The message is not always one someone wants to hear but may need to and doing it in a way that is tactful and considerate gives it an even greater chance of being heard. Not just when they’ve had enough of whatever criticism they are about to share with me. Some things I find hauntingly beautiful are The Afghan Girl: Because of her beautiful and emotive eyes.. Either way, my observation is still a perception they may want to address. I’ve been struggling with it and trying to figure out why and how I left myself so vulnerable to it. Those who take pride in being “brutally honest” are typically more interested in being brutal than they are in being honest. People like that think of themselves as truth-tellers, but rather than being honest what they are really communicating is, “I don’t care about your feelings, and I don’t care about how effective my message is.” If you hit someone, they put up their hands in defense. This name has a hauntingly appropriate meaning for its most famous bearer, Pakistani women and children's right activist and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Malala Yousefzai. What does haunting mean? Why? Unfortunately, as brutal honesty can be used as a weapon, so can tact. I agree; Kate’s quote is one of the best I’ve ever read. Sadly, we all need a wake up call at times. BTW, in those very rare times when “brutal honesty” truly is needed and is appropriate, I don’t believe it need be, or even should be, emotion-based. I’m tactful in business and in public (or you’ll never get anywhere), but if it’s someone I’ve know for life (especially a male friend), it’s a crap shoot. Hi Cassandra, thank you for sharing your thoughts and comments. It speaks so truly to the honorable heights as well as the darkest atrocities of American history. What does haunting mean? PW: I’m very sorry that happened. I love this post, thank you! And, while that’s terrific, I wouldn’t suggest trying to duplicate that strategy with the customer you are dealing with, the customer service rep or supervisor you need to help you, the waiter at the restaurant, the police officer from whom you need assistance, your child’s schoolteacher, or…well, practically anyone else. ... hauntingly; hauntingly; Hauntings; Hauntings; Hauntings; haunts; haunts; haunts; haunts; HAUP; Hauppauge Computer Works; Hauppauge High School; Hauppauge Union Free School District; But this: “When you use up the pots and pans and leave the dirty dishes out all over the counter, then if I want to come in and cook, I have to clean up after you first, and that really pisses me off, because it delays my dinner and I do your cleaning as well as mine, which isn’t fair.”. What you see is what you get. dennis. It’s simply an excuse for what most people would consider an unacceptable, and inappropriate response to someone else’s opinion or perception. Do you want change in behavior? But a lot of times it comes across as “telling you what you want to hear… or what the person thinks the other person wants to hear.”. It is an object which has the quality of being simultaneously lovely yet sad to the same person at the same time. I’m trying to makes some sense of it and finding any morsel of truth to it so that I can learn. Very appreciated! I say possible because it may not always be the case and it could be that I am potentially wrong about my observation. It's something that strikes you as beautiful but makes you uneasy without you immediately knowing why. noun. Again, just my thoughts in response to your thoughtful comments. Very importantly: please keep in mind the main idea of the post was not about *having* to be brutally honest…but the *desire* to be brutal, to be hurtful, in one’s honesty. And, there is nothing positive about “brutal” honesty when the brutal part is for its own sake. Brutality and honesty not necessarily be combined especially when we deal with people on a one-o-one basis. Also in agreement. It’s not what I had in mind, but I’ll take it! Although there was truth to what she was saying her timing and delivery were way off. The new heart-breaking lov It’s not true. I feel betrayed and, yes, in a big way, verbally attacked. Honesty has an agenda, which is to make the situation or person or group better. My heart hurts! Hi Maya, thank you for joining the conversation. Honesty is the quality of being honest. Cookie information is stored in your browser and performs functions such as recognising you when you return to our website and helping our team to understand which sections of the website you find most interesting and useful. ...the haunting calls of wild birds in the mahogany trees. Importance of honesty in life. Indeed, words, terms and phrases have meanings – often multiple ones – so what I would ask you to do in this case is take the term, “brutal honesty” in the context that it was used in this post. Again, huge thanks for sharing with us! Friends who ask us to be brutally honest, typically mean…I need to know what you really think and you won’t hurt my feelings if your opinion is different to mine. I maintain that if one’s “desire” or intent is to be brutal – or hurtful – in their honesty, rather than “regretfully” brutal in their honesty then they are doing what they are doing for the wrong reason. . I don’t see it that way but I certainly do appreciate your sharing your thoughts and interpretation with us. I learn something from you in every meeting. They're so beautiful it's scary. Apparently, I did not completely succeed in that regard. Personally, I have found that people are much more interested in listening when I don’t “Sucker punch” them first. 2 : any of a genus (Lunaria) … And when in doubt, ask for clarification so that you do get the other person’s meaning. Katherine: In my opinion…VERY-well said!!!!! Tactful also doesn’t mean that you don’t give someone a straight answer (which you mentioned being the case with your husband). And, while I don’t know any of them personally, I would hope that when they are dealing with their loved ones, employees, and the waiter at the restaurant, they act accordingly. haunting phrase. Can I be brutally honest with you? very sweet of you, and greatly appreciated!! Edie: Thank you. Thank you kindly! Since improvement is not a one time event, my hope is that I will be able to mentor that person again in the future, and they will want to be mentored.
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